


"lucky"

by paranoid_parallax



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - High School, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Choking, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gen, Grooming, Hunk & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Intimidation, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, Keith (Voltron) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lance (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lance (Voltron) Has Self-Esteem Issues, Manipulation, Minor Injuries, Non-Consensual Groping, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Protective Hunk (Voltron), Protective Pidge | Katie Holt, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Sexual Coercion, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Teacher-Student Relationship, Threats, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-22 14:57:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22751467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoid_parallax/pseuds/paranoid_parallax
Summary: Lance had thought Ms. Kay was a kind and trustworthy teacher, even a friend. And sure, he'd had a bit of a crush on her, but he'd never really expected it to go anywhere.Suddenly, it does, and he finds himself feeling trapped in a situation he doesn't want.
Relationships: Hunk & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt, Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Keith & Lance (Voltron), Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance & Shiro (Voltron), Lance & Voltron Paladins, Lance (Voltron) & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

Lance hadn’t really thought anything of it when his history teacher wanted to him to meet with her during lunch about some of his work. He knew he’d been slipping in that class— it just wasn’t an area of interest for him, and that made focusing nearly impossible.

He liked Ms. Kay, though. She was full of energy and enthusiasm for the material, which did make it a little easier to pay attention… and, well, he couldn’t deny that he had a bit of a crush on her. She was young and pretty, funny, and understanding, and Lance may have been just a bit smitten— especially after the times she’d helped him out in the past, offering him extra-credit assignments and pointing him toward academic resources that were actually useful for him.

So naturally, he assumed that today would just be another thing like that. He wasn’t at all prepared for what actually happened.

“Hi, Lance! Come on in— and shut the door, please.” She smiled. “Too many distractions out there right now.”

Lance sat down on the other side of her desk, smiling back. He glanced down at the several piles of papers in front of her. “Whatcha workin’ on?”

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly, reaching for a sip of her coffee. “Oh, just grading. Lots of it.”

“Yeah. Must be crazy at this point in the semester, huh? I mean, judging by how many assignments _I’ve_ been getting.”

“Yes.” Pushing some of the papers neatly aside, she rested her arms on the desk, leaning just slightly closer to him. “How’ve you been holding up, with all that? Must be difficult. It’s a lot at once.”

“Yeah.” He laughed softly, eyes darting away for a moment. “I’m not really on top of things, like, at all, but it’s cool, I mean… it’s how things always end up. I’m all like, 'this is gonna be the year I get my life together,' and then I just don’t, _ever_.” This was said with a laugh, but Ms. Kay saw right through him.

“Lance, don’t blame yourself for that.” She reached out and put a hand on his arm— he’d never been able to _not_ lean on a table or wall or counter that was there to lean on, so it was easily within her reach across the desk— and he met her eyes, startled. “You’re doing the best you can. It’s not your fault the system isn’t set up in a way that works for you.”

He found himself blushing a little at that. It wasn’t often he heard praise for his efforts; he knew he had people who loved him no matter what, but they never really acknowledged that he was trying his hardest, if they even realized.

“How about you stay with me for the lunch period, and we can eat together and just talk about some things?”

“Sure.”

“Do you have food with you?”

“Yep.” He dug a disappointingly small bag of potato chips out of his backpack and held it up.

“That’s not enough. Here, have this.” Ms. Kay reached into her bag, producing another sandwich similar to hers.

“Oh, no, it’s cool. You don’t need to give me your food—”

“I got this for you, Lance.”

“Oh.” Confused, he accepted it.

“I worry you’re not eating enough.”

“I mean, I’m fine, but thank you. For the sandwich. This looks good.”

They spent only a few minutes talking about his schoolwork before the conversation wandered into just general talk about their lives, as it had done several times before.

When she casually asked if he was dating anyone, he was a little surprised by the question, but answered honestly. “Nah, not right now, no.”

She chuckled. “Any girl you have your eye on?”

Ignoring the voice in the back of his head telling him this was a weird line of questioning, he shrugged and said, “Maybe,” with a slightly flirtatious look in her direction.

“Well, any woman would be lucky to have you.”

“Aw, thanks, Ms. Kay.”

“You can call me Jen, Lance.”

“Oh. Uh, okay. Thanks… Jen.” He laughed awkwardly, eyes on the ground. “I’m nothing special, though.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re the most handsome boy in this whole damn school.”

That was sweet. Untrue, but sweet. “Aw, am I your favorite student?” He batted his lashes at her jokingly, and she laughed, leaning in close.

Waaay close. Wait, what was she—

Before he could ask anything, he felt her breath at his ear as she leaned across the desk, pushing out of her chair to get closer to him. “You could say that,” she whispered, and then pressed her lips to his neck, a hand on his shoulder keeping him in place. “You’re _hot_ , Lance. Quit selling yourself short.”

… _What the hell?_

“Ms. Kay… w-what are you doing?”

“Whatever you want me to.” Standing up, she slid her jacket off and began unbuttoning her shirt.

“Wait, no, we— you can’t—”

She deflated in an instant, looking like a flame that had been put out. There was hurt in her eyes.

“I mean, it’s fine! I’m not, like, mad or anything. I like you, I do— I just— I just, I— I don’t think this is super legal? And I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

Now she was smiling again, a sarcastic, derisive sort of smile, hands nimbly undoing more buttons on her shirt. “Come on, you’re what, a few months from eighteen? It’s fine as long as no one finds out.”

“Maybe— maybe another time? This is just really sudden, I dunno—”

“Lance, what are you so afraid of?” Her shirt was on the floor, _oh my god._ Lance looked away instinctively, feeling like he shouldn’t stare. He didn’t know how to feel about this. He wanted this, right?

But still, something felt wrong.

“I’m not _afraid_! I’m just not… in the mood for this right now?”

She slammed her hands down on the desk, and he jumped in his seat, gulping nervously as she glared down at him. “Lance,” she said far too sweetly. “Now, I _know_ that isn’t true for two reasons. One, I see how you act. You wouldn’t be pestering every girl you come across like you do if you weren’t interested— _interested_ in this case loosely translating to ‘a bit of a fuckboy, but hey, you’re still cute.’” She stepped around the desk, and he turned in the chair to face her as she looked him up and down. Suddenly self-conscious, he looked away, cheeks burning. “And two, I can see you getting hard, so don’t bother trying to deny what you want.”

He glanced down, and quickly covered his crotch with his hands. _Shit._

Look, he couldn’t help it that she was extremely attractive and had just _kissed his neck and started stripping her clothes off in front of him_ , or that he apparently liked it a little too much when she stared down at him imperiously and angrily over the desk like she just had.

Stupid teenage hormones. He really didn’t want to do this right now, but his body seemed to have other ideas.

Ms. Kay approached him, gently moving his hands away, shushing his protests and unbuttoning his jeans.

“Ms. Kay, please…”

“You’re a virgin, aren’t you?”

“That’s not—”

“Just tell me.” She unzipped his jeans and tugged at the waistband of his boxers.

“Y-yeah, but—”

“Don’t you want someone a little more experienced, but who you know you can trust not to make fun of you for anything, to be with you the first time? Come on.” She smiled up at him, and for a second she no longer seemed like a whole different person from the teacher he’d come to trust.

Had that all been for _this_?

So he really _was_ stupid, really was a hopeless case. It was only his looks that had gotten her attention.

_I guess this is all I’m good for._

Besides, he was supposed to want this. Hell, he _had_ , hadn’t he? He’d had a crush on her, he couldn’t deny that. Given the opportunity, what guy wouldn’t… right?

Somehow, this no longer seemed hot now that it was actually happening. But she was right, right about everything, and he didn’t resist any further.

He didn’t initiate anything, really, but he let her do what she wanted and obeyed when she told him to do something. He _let_ her do it.

Let her have sex with him.

When it was over, he forced a smile as she got dressed again and fixed her hair and makeup in a little mirror.

He just pulled his pants back into place, and put up the hood of his jacket, wanting to bury himself in it. Was it normal to feel so… used?

She gave him a goodbye kiss, and asked him to meet her again next week. Lance agreed. He didn’t know how to say no, after he’d already… He squeezed his eyes shut in some inexplicable pain for a moment as he numbly headed to class— she’d written him a late pass.

The rest of the school day was a blur.

Lance went home and cried in the shower, then stood frozen under the water with a blank expression until one of his siblings pounded on the door.

It had been hours, he soon realized. He made the excuse that he wasn’t feeling well, slipping off to bed very early and skipping dinner. He couldn’t face anyone right now.

Curling his shaking frame up under the covers, he sobbed as quietly as he could.


	2. Chapter 2

Lance hadn’t been acting like himself for several days, and Hunk was getting worried. He kept saying he was sick— and he _had_ been missing a lot of school suddenly— but it didn’t seem like the whole truth anymore.

Something was wrong with his best friend; Hunk could sense it. He just didn’t know how to help if he couldn’t even get a real explanation out of him.

Earlier this afternoon, he had invited Lance and Pidge over to hang out. Pidge was the same as ever, but Lance had been oddly quiet.

He could tell through shared glances with Pidge that she had noticed it too— the shift was pretty hard to miss, after all.

When Lance left to use the bathroom, she immediately turned to him and hissed, “What the hell happened to Lance?”

“I have no idea. I’m worried about him, but I don’t know what’s up and he won’t tell me. He just keeps saying he’s sick, but I’m not really buying it anymore.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely a lie.” Pidge glanced toward the door. “Did anything happen lately that might’ve caused this?”

Hunk racked his brain for a moment, but couldn’t think of anything that seemed to have sparked the change. “Nothing I know about, I don’t think. One day he was fine, and the next day, he was like _this_.”

“Weird.”

“Yeah.”

When Lance came back from the bathroom, however, he was acting oddly like himself again— at least on the surface. For such a close friend, though, it was hard to miss the still-underlying tension and jumpiness that weren’t like Lance at all.

Hunk and Pidge tried to behave as though everything were the same as usual, both seemingly hoping it would help their friend return to normal as well.

“Do you want some food, guys?” Hunk offered with a smile.

“Sure,” Pidge said easily, but Lance froze for a moment and then shook his head.

“Oh. Okay… uh, I’ll go grab something for me and Pidge, then, be right back…”

“I’ll come with,” Pidge said quickly, jumping to her feet. As soon as they were out of earshot, she whispered, “What the fuck? Since when does he turn down food, especially from you, especially so… weirdly?”

“Since never! I have no idea why he’s acting like this, but something must have happened. I just don’t know what, and he won’t talk to me.”

The two returned with their snacks to find Lance staring into space with oddly blank eyes, looking as though he were somewhere else.

“Lance? Buddy?” Hunk said uneasily.

He quickly snapped back to the present at that. “Oh, hey, guys. Sorry, just got lost in thought,” he said cheerfully, and that fake easygoing smile might have fooled someone who didn’t know him as well.

“You sure you’re not hungry?”

“I’m sure.”

“So,” Pidge asked as they got settled in, “how’s Shay?”

Hunk smiled at the thought of his girlfriend. “Oh, she’s doing great. Just got accepted into her dream school, so she’s been super happy about that… and I am gonna really miss her when we go to college, but I’m happy for her too. And we’ll keep in touch, of course.”

“Aww,” Pidge said a bit teasingly. “You two are so adorable, it’s kinda freaky.”

Hunk made a face at her, and she stuck her tongue out in response. “Well, how’s mystery boy doing?” he asked. “The guy you won’t tell me the name of, only vague details and how _annoyingly cute_ he is?”

“Nothing!” Pidge practically shrieked, throwing the nearest pillow at him. “It’s nothing! He’s not anyone you guys would know, so, yeah, and nothing interesting is happening there, he probably doesn’t even notice me.” She finally regained her composure. “Yeah, I’ve got nothing to report. But I bet loverboy over here has plenty,” she said slyly.

For a split second, Lance got that deer-in-headlights look again, but then grinned. It didn’t reach his eyes. “You could say that.”

“Oh?” Pidge raised an eyebrow, not seeming to notice that Lance was acting. She probably thought one of his favorite topics of conversation would be helpful, and hey, Hunk supposed maybe it would be. “Do tell.”

“Oh, I shouldn’t brag,” Lance said with a little smirk that seemed to waver for a moment, nonchalantly examining his nails.

Pidge snorted. “What, did you finally get laid? Wow. Congrats. We’ll have to celebrate this historic occasion. Truly a once-in-a-lifetime event.”

“Shut up,” Lance said a little more angrily than Hunk thought was called for. He quickly recovered, though. “But, yes.”

“Oh shit, seriously?” Pidge laughed again. “Damn. Please don’t tell me any of those cheesy lines actually worked.”

“Nah, just my good looks.”

Hunk thought he saw Pidge blush for a moment, and smiled to himself. _Mystery boy, huh. I wonder if he’s right here._ He’d have to tease her about that later.

“So who was it?” she asked insistently. “Anyone we’d know? And was it a one-time thing or are y’all _together_ now?”

“Oh, it’s someone you’d know.”

“Stop being a cryptic dumbass and tell me, you nerd.”

“Well, you guys have had Ms. Kay before, right? The hot history teacher? Let’s just say I’m a lucky man.”

That sunk in for a moment.

_Oh, shit._

That was bad. That was _illegal_. No wonder Lance had been acting so off, this was probably affecting him more than he wanted to let on.

Pidge gaped at him. “Don’t _fucking_ tell me you screwed your history teacher.”

He shrugged. “Well, I don’t have to _tell_ you, then.”

“What the fuck? How? Why? Please tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not joking.” He glared at her. “What, you think I’m not good enough? That there’s _no way_ she’d want someone like me, right?”

“No, I think she’s twice your age and your _teacher_ and that’s fucked up. Look, if you’re just making this up to sound cool, you better fucking quit it before we actually start worrying about you, dude.”

“I’m not making it up, jeez!”

“Lance,” Hunk said nervously. “That’s— that’s not okay, though. I think you should maybe talk to someone.”

The sight of his best friend glaring at him with genuine anger wasn’t something Hunk wanted to ever see again. “Look, she’s hot as fuck, so just let me have this, okay? Jeez. It’s not like she tied me to a chair and drugged me or something. Anyone would want to be in my place.”

“Lance…”

“Hunk, _let it go_.”

So he did, despite Pidge’s indignant expression. He wasn’t going to push Lance— he couldn’t let his best friend start to hate him over this, or he would have no way to help him. He was definitely worried, though. He couldn’t say for sure that this was the reason for Lance’s behavior lately, but what else would it be?


	3. Chapter 3

Lance was a mess.

He didn’t know why it was suddenly so difficult to bring himself to go to school— sure, he’d never exactly been enthusiastic about it, but this was a new level of dread.

Ms. Kay’s class was the hardest. The first day after they’d— _after,_ he found himself shaking in his seat within the first five minutes. He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she lectured like nothing had happened, and at the same time he could hardly stand to look at her.

Noticing his discomfort, she’d asked him to see her after class, and told him how worried she was, and asked him what was going on like she didn’t _know_. She’d assured him that no matter what, he was going to pass her class, so he didn’t have to worry about that— and then she’d asked him to meet her again after school.

He’d returned later, feeling helpless to say no, and wound up numbly following her out to her car. Ms. Kay had calmed him down, gotten him some ice cream and sat gently stroking his hair, assuring him that it was going to be okay, that he was okay, until he’d almost started to believe it.

They’d gone to her house after. It had happened again.

It had been a few days since then. Hunk and Pidge knew what was going on now, and they’d reacted in a way he hadn’t expected. What were they so worried about?

It was stupid, really, what ultimately set him off. He just caught sight of some expression on her face, something that sent him back to the moment when she’d first cajoled him into letting her touch him. Before Lance could stop himself, tears blurred his vision in the middle of class, and he stifled a sob.

She was so beautiful, so sweet, so _harmless_ — why couldn’t he want this? Why couldn’t he be happy with her? And if he _didn’t_ want her, why did he keep letting this happen?

Ordinarily he would’ve worried about how he looked crying in front of everyone, but somehow the world around him didn’t feel real right now. He put his head down on the desk, shoulders shaking uncontrollably, tears dripping onto the blank page his notebook was open to. After an unknown length of time, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and heard someone gently asking if he wanted to go to the nurse. Still shaking, he let the guy who sat next to him lead him out of the classroom, dimly aware of Ms. Kay trying to tell them not to leave and of the other boy snapping at her before doing so anyway.

“I can’t…” Lance mumbled as they headed for the stairs. “I can’t, I need to sit down for a sec…”

“Okay, come on, almost there.” They entered the stairwell, and he helped Lance sit down on the top few steps. “Can you breathe?”

“Y-yeah.” Lance struggled to slow down his breathing. “Pretty much.”

“Are you having a panic attack?”

“I don’t know, this has never happened before.”

“Do you think you can make it to the nurse now?”

“Yeah. Yeah, let’s go. Thanks… Keith.” He still couldn’t believe _this_ guy was the one to help him out, but he’d accept it for now and question motives later.

“No problem,” he replied, eyes distant as though lost in thought.

When they got there, the nurse demanded a pass, and Keith calmly pulled out a forged one for Lance. “And I’m gonna stay with him ’cause it’s my lunch period,” he added, and she didn’t bother to verify that.

There wasn’t much they could do for him there except have him lie down, and Keith had apparently stayed to _talk_.

“Lance, I’m sorry, but— I have to ask.”

“Yeah?”

He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Did Ms. Kay do something? Did she… touch you? I mean like, sexually, obviously, not just—”

 _“What?”_ Instinctively, he backed away on his cot, pressing up against the wall. “How— what are you— what—”

“Hey, relax,” Keith said, eyes darting nervously toward the door leading back into the main office. “I’ve just… I know she’s done that to someone before, and I’m worried.”

“Is _that_ why you hate her?” He’d always wondered how this guy could be such an asshole to one of the nicest teachers he knew, and his eyes welled up with fresh tears at the loss of that former oblivious innocence. He wanted it back. Wanted _himself_ back.

“Yeah. Did she, or not?”

Lance was quiet for a long moment. “She did,” he admitted finally, voice hoarse and barely even a whisper. “More than just touching.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. It— it’s mutual.”

Keith didn’t respond to that.

“Was it you?” he asked softly, hoping that wasn’t crossing too much of a line. “The— the other person.”

Keith was quiet for so long that Lance didn’t even know if he would answer, but finally said, “Yeah. It was.”

He was a pretty private person, but Lance had paid enough attention to him— admittedly mainly out of spite— to pick up on a few things. “Aren’t you gay?” Shit, that probably sounded bad. Why couldn’t he ever just keep his mouth shut?

“… Yeah, so? She didn’t exactly take my sexuality into account when she decided to grope me.”

“I’m sorry. If she— I mean, oh my god, you should go to the police or something…”

He laughed harshly. “I have no proof, and I’m not even underage. Nothing would happen, and if anything did it’d be to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Lance repeated. This was so fucked up. For Keith. He couldn’t believe she would do something like that, it wasn’t like her…

Keith just nodded.

“Did— did it happen more than once?”

“No. I made it clear I wasn’t letting her near me again.” He shrugged. “I’m pretty sure she’s failing me now because of it, actually. Grading way tougher than before on anything that could possibly be subjective, even marking whole test questions wrong for little spelling errors where anyone can still tell what it means… man, she _hates_ me now. Was all sweet until I told her to get her fucking hands off me.”

“Oh.”

Keith smiled wryly. “Did she try the same act with you?”

“I…” Lance shook his head. “That can’t be right. She’s so genuine with me, I know it’s not just an act…”

“How?”

More tears spilled over.

“So I guess it worked on you, huh.”

“Look, I know I’m stupid, you don’t have to fucking rub it in, okay?!”

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to. I guess if she was an attractive guy I might’ve fallen for it too,” he mused. “Who knows? It’s not your fault she’s manipulative.”

“But… I’m not you. Our relationship is different.”

“Are you sure? You’re saying it’s fine, but you look fucking miserable.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Dude. You’re normally all confident and happy and talkative, and lately you’ve been all quiet, wearing way more layers than usual, and you just started sobbing in the middle of class. I may not know you that well, but even just from seeing you in class I can tell the difference.”

It was true that Lance had abandoned his skincare routine and his workout routine in the past couple of weeks, half because he was too depressed to motivate himself to do much of anything and half because he didn’t want his looks getting him into another situation like this. For similar reasons, he'd been buried in a hoodie with multiple shirts underneath almost every day.

“I need to go home,” he said softly. "I can't go back to class today, I _can't_."

“Okay. Will your parents be cool about it?”

“If I say I’m sick,” he whispered, “which they already think I have been lately, so it could work.”

“Can I come with you?”

“Will your parents—”

“My parents are dead.”

“ _Oh._ I’m so sorry, I—”

Keith brushed it off. “It’s alright. Anyway, yeah, I’ll just ditch. I get in enough trouble at this fucking school as it is.”

“Can we have my best friends over? I need to talk to them.”

He shrugged. “It’s your house. But will your parents allow that if you’re ‘sick?’”

“Yeah, I’ll be able to figure it out somehow.”

“How are you gonna explain me?”

“ _You_ are sneaking in through a window because I don’t have the energy for a bunch of questions right now.”

Keith actually grinned. “Fair enough.”


	4. Chapter 4

Ultimately, Pidge and Hunk had been able to convince Lance to go talk to someone about what had happened. They’d recommended Shiro, a grad student and an assistant counselor at their school— and a family friend of the Holts.' Keith had looked a little surprised at that but then seconded it— not without making Lance promise not to mention him, though.

He felt so bad for Keith. He was the real victim here, not Lance, and here he was having to support someone who’d just gone along with everything and regretted it.

Now he introduced himself, shaking the counselor’s hand and taking a seat in the chair on the other side of his desk and _oh god no not again—_ He scooted the chair back far enough to put himself definitively out of reach, not having the energy left to care if he seemed rude.

“It’s nice to meet you, Lance,” the man said kindly. “My name is Shiro. Do you want to talk about what’s been going on lately?”

“I… I did something I shouldn’t have, and I just— I feel so horrible and I don’t even really know why.”

“Are you comfortable telling me what happened?”

“Will you tell my parents?”

“There are certain things I am required to report to the administration, but… if you don’t want your parents knowing the details, we can try to work around that and get you help without telling them the exact situation.”

“Okay. That probably won’t apply anyway, but, uh…” He couldn’t look Shiro in the eye. “I— I’m sorry, it’s hard to talk about…”

“Is this something you did alone, or more of an interpersonal issue?”

“Um, no, it was w-with someone.”

“Did they hurt you? Or vice versa?”

Lance shrugged helplessly, not knowing how to answer that.

“Which part of that is the shrug for?”

“If she hurt me,” he mumbled.

“Were you physically assaulted in any way?”

He hesitated. “N-no.”

“Are you sure?”

Lance shook his head.

“Do you want to tell me what she did to you, and then we can figure out how to handle it together?”

“Okay. I— I…” _Just say it._ “W-we had sex. I told her we shouldn’t because— because it’s probably not legal and I didn’t want to get her in trouble, and also I felt like I didn’t really want it but that’s stupid because obviously I did, and I’ve been feeling really awful since it happened and I’m acting different and I want things to go back—” His breath hitched in a sob and he stopped for a moment to compose himself. “I wish I hadn’t— I—”

When Shiro next spoke, he sounded very concerned. “Lance… were you forced to have sex? Am I understanding right?”

“I mean, I guess you could put it that way, but… I could have left. I could have been more insistent, if I really hadn’t wanted to.”

“Do you feel like you wanted to?” Shiro asked gently.

“No, but… well, obviously I had to have wanted it. She was right, it was clear that I did, I was just being stupid—”

“Did you consent to what happened?”

“I mean, I didn’t stop it. I let it happen.”

“That’s not consent, Lance.”

Abstractly, he was aware of that. He knew what did and didn’t count as consensual, and that lack of a no didn’t equal a yes, and all of that— or so he thought, because now that this discussion was being applied to _him_ , it felt different. It felt like he was stepping into territory that wasn’t his, like there had to be some reason this technically didn’t apply to him, because there was no way he had been _raped_.

Well, statutory, sort of, but even that was too close to really count. He was almost an adult, and he had to take responsibility for his mistakes.

“I may not have said yes, but like… my body kinda said it for me, ya know?”

“Getting an erection doesn’t equal consent.” Lance flushed deeper at the bluntness of the statement. “If this happened against your will, and it sounds to me like it did, then that’s sexual assault.”

“But I… I had a crush on her. Before. And suddenly she was giving me what I should’ve wanted and physically I may have been into it but somehow mentally it felt wrong… I don’t know, it’s so stupid. She was right, I was just scared, I should’ve just— I dunno, I don’t know what I could’ve done— I was just stupid—”

“You are _not_ stupid, Lance. Your feelings matter, and it’s important that we get you the help you need.” He paused for a moment. “I want to address one other thing you mentioned that’s worrying me. You said you told her it might not be legal, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you think that?”

“Because she’s older than me. She’s like thirty and I’m still seventeen.”

“Did you know her before the assault?” At Lance’s silence, he added, “None of these questions are so I can judge you or decide you ‘asked for it’ or anything like that. I just want to get a better understanding of the situation, but you don’t have to answer if you aren’t comfortable.”

“I knew her, yeah.”

“What was her relationship to you?”

“She, uh— she’s a teacher here.” His voice was barely audible, but Shiro caught it. When Lance looked up, the man appeared furious, and he immediately hurried to apologize.

“I’m not angry with _you_ at all, Lance. I’m angry that someone would use their position of authority to take advantage of you like that, and would make you think it was your fault.” He mustered up a gentler expression. “Please know that you can come to me anytime you need to talk to someone, okay? And I promise we will get you the help you need. If you want to tell me her name, you will be protected and she’ll be investigated. No one is going to let her hurt you again.”

“I can’t, that’s not fair to her. I’m almost legal, and I went along with it…”

“I’m not going to pressure you to do anything,” Shiro assured him. “But based on the information you’ve given me, you were definitely sexually assaulted.”

They sat there in silence for a long moment before Lance finally gathered up the courage to speak. “J-Jennifer Kay. It was her.”

“Thank you, Lance.” An odd expression appeared to flicker across Shiro's face for a split second, but then he just smiled a little sadly at him. “I’m glad you came to see me, and it’s very brave of you to talk about this. I know it’s difficult.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled, staring at the carpet. “Can I go now?”

“Do you feel like you need anything else from me right now? And do you think you’re safe on your own?”

“I’ll be okay.” He forced a trembling smile, getting to his feet. “Thanks for listening.”

Walking toward Hunk’s house, he sent a text to Hunk and Pidge with shaking hands. _So I talked to Shiro…_

 _How’d it go?_ Pidge replied almost immediately.

_Well he said I was sexually assaulted so there’s that lol._

_Yeah we kinda figured…_ Hunk said. _I mean it’s super not okay for a teacher to do that to you._

_Yeah I guess._

_Was Shiro helpful?_

_Yeah,_ he replied. _Hunk can I come over?_

_Of course man, anytime!! Is it cool that pidge is here rn too?_

_I can leave if you aren’t comfortable, 100% up to u dude,_ Pidge added.

_Nah it’s cool pidge u can stay. I’m walking over now, be there in ten._

A few minutes later, Lance knocked on his best friend’s door, and Hunk’s mother answered it. “Hi, Lance, it’s good to see you!”

“Hi,” he croaked, trying to force a smile.

“Oh, no. Is something wrong, honey?” She looked worried now.

“No, it’s okay. I’m f-fine. Just a little sick.”

“Well, I’m not going to pry, but just know that you can come to me if you need anything, okay?”

“Thanks, Mrs. Maiava.”

“Of course, sweetie.” She ushered him inside. “Hunk and Pidge are upstairs.”

The door to Hunk’s room was open, and his friends were sitting on the bed with matching expressions of worry.

“Hey, guys,” he said weakly as he joined them. “What’s up?”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hunk asked quietly.

“I don’t know. I’m just… scared.”

They both waited patiently for him to continue.

“I feel so guilty. I don’t want my parents to find out, they’ll be so disappointed in me… And I have no excuse. She didn’t force me to do anything, I let it happen.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Hunk said.

He laughed bitterly. “You guys weren’t there. You don’t know.”

“No, but we’re on your side, Lance.”

“I don’t have a side. I know I fucked up.”

Pidge looked at him, worry and frustration mixing on her face. “Lance, if Shiro says you were raped—” He flinched at that. “Sorry, sorry… but if I were you, I’d trust him. He knows what he’s talking about, and he wants to help you.”

“I just— I just wanna die.” His voice broke off into a sob.

“You don’t deserve to feel this way. She’s abusing you, this isn’t your fault at all.”

“Are you like, actively considering suicide?” Pidge asked, visibly tense.

“No. Like, I don’t wanna be alive right now, but I’m not gonna kill myself, don’t worry.” Lance sighed, eyes closed for a moment in exhaustion. “I just don’t know what to do. I need time. To think. It’s just a lot.”

“I know,” Hunk said gently. “Take all the time you need, buddy. Just remember we have your back. No matter what.”


	5. Chapter 5

Lance woke up that Saturday to a text from Ms. Kay, sleepily opening it.

 _Oh._ Well, he was certainly awake now, heart clenching with anxiety. She’d sent him nudes, and she wanted him to send a video back.

_I shouldn’t._

_This isn’t okay. I don’t have to do this. I don’t_ want _to do this._

Ms. Kay’s voice drifted into his mind: “You’re already gonna do great in this class, so don’t even worry about it, okay?” Then Keith’s: “I made it clear I wasn’t letting her near me again… I’m pretty sure she’s failing me now because of it.”

He couldn’t afford to do badly in this class. Couldn’t let his parents down like that— and sure, this would upset them too if they knew, but one, it had already happened no matter what he did now, and two, they didn’t _have_ to find out, unlike with a failing grade.

Compliantly, obediently, _brokenly,_ Lance took a video of himself masturbating, ultimately giving in and coming to the memory of what they’d done together no matter how many times he tried to push it out of his mind.

What he’d acted like she made him do, he thought in shame as he came down from his high. Disgusting— he was disgusting. He was a liar. Who got off to the memory of their own rape? Clearly, he had enjoyed it, wanted it, asked for it. He was just ashamed of his own bad decisions.

Ashamed of the fact that this was all he was good for.

But it had been consensual. Here he was going along with it still, even after he’d whined about it to multiple people— he couldn’t keep lying. This was fine.

He sent her the video. _Thought of u._

A few minutes later, she replied. _Beautiful._

Somehow, his heart still had the nerve to swell with pride at her praise. _Not so bad yourself,_ he shot back, trying to channel some piece of whoever he’d been before she’d unzipped his jeans that first time. Why? Why was he going along with this?

_You know, I bet we could make a little money off that gorgeous cock._

He didn’t like where this was going, but tried to stay calm. _Ha, you want me to be a camboy or something?_

_Maybe. We’ll see how this one does._

_Wait no please don’t post this anywhere,_ he replied in a panic.

Several minutes passed, and Lance spent them racked with the sort of anxiety that twisted his gut and made him feel nauseous. That was usually Hunk’s thing… it was rare for him to get so anxious.

_Oh sorry honey. Already did, didn’t see your text._

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

_I think you need to calm down._

Tears blurred Lance’s vision at that. Right, he was being irrational, he was being overdramatic, he needed to relax. Needed to be his old self. He knew that, but he _couldn’t_. And he _was_ upset, he was angry, he felt betrayed. It wasn’t fair, what she was doing.

_Hey, meet me after school on Monday? I’ll make it up to you._

His hands felt like lead weights. There was so much he wanted to say, wanted to _scream_ , but the most he could manage to type was _ok, see u soon._

* * *

Keith wasn’t expecting the worried look that greeted him when he walked into his and Shiro’s apartment. “Is… something wrong?” he asked a little nervously, setting his bag down with a sense of foreboding but making no move to sit.

“…Possibly. I just want to ask you about something.”

“What?” Despite Keith’s best efforts, the word came out hoarse, cracked, thin and thready, more of a wheeze than a whisper. “What did I do? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry—” He remained unconscious of his panicked steps backward until he collided with the wall and jumped, startled, trembling legs collapsing and leaving him on the ground. “Please, I’m so sorry, whatever I did I’ll make it up I swear—”

Shiro approached him quickly but carefully, avoiding sudden movements. “Keith, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. _Nothing._ I just want to make sure you’re okay, it’s nothing you did and there’s no way I’ll be angry at you about it.” He offered a hand to help Keith up, and after a moment, he shakily accepted it.

“I’m sorry, Shiro.”

Shiro gently led him over to the couch, and they sat down together. “You never have to apologize, Keith. I know why— I get it.”

“I know.”

“I’m always here for you. You’re safe here, I promise.”

“So are you,” Keith said firmly, determination coursing through him.

Shiro sighed. “I know. But you don’t need to protect me, okay? We’ve both been hurt, but you need a guardian who can take care of you. You shouldn’t always have to be an adult.”

“I’m eighteen, Shiro. And you’re not like, old, you’re twenty-five.”

“True. But you haven’t gotten much chance to be a kid since you were what, ten?”

He shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m used to it.”

“Well, I’m sure half of that is true.”

“Shut up.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you're good, don't worry.”

“Okay with a hug?” Shiro asked, and Keith nodded. They sat there in silence for a moment, arms around each other.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?”

“Right.” Shiro pulled away from the embrace, looking troubled. “I’m not sure I should even tell you this, but I’m just… very concerned. And I won’t tell you the name of the person, but…” He sighed. “I had a student come to me the other day who said they had been… pressured, at the least, into having sex with a teacher.”

“Oh.” Keith knew he was terrible at feigning surprise, but luckily this time Shiro didn’t look at him closely enough to notice.

“He said it was Jennifer Kay, and I know you have her too. And I know you didn’t seem to have strong feelings about her in the beginning of the year, and then you started hating her, which most students don’t seem to… and I just— Keith, if something happened to you, please tell me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to suffer through it alone.”

Keith didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer, heart practically threatening to beat out of his chest. He didn’t trust himself not to cry if he said it out loud.

“I know it’s really hard to talk about,” Shiro said softly. “Do you think you’d be more comfortable if I just ask a few yes or no questions?”

After a moment’s hesitation, he nodded.

“Did she force you to do anything sexual with her?”

Another nod. “Yeah.”

“Did it happen more than once?”

He tensed up at that, still unsure whether to go with the heavily watered-down version of events he’d told Lance or to be fully honest. The former was nice in that it preserved his sense of agency and dignity, in that it let him look and therefore start to _feel_ like he’d done everything he could possibly do to protect himself. Grabbed once, told her to fuck off, never touched again— it didn’t make him look as weak and vulnerable as he’d felt.

But as much as he wished it were true, it wasn’t.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “A few times.”

“Shit. Can you give me a rough timeframe of when it happened?”

“November.”

“Okay, so it didn’t go on more than a month?”

He shook his head.

“You promise me it’s not still happening? I won’t be mad at you at all if it is, I just want you to be safe.”

“I promise.”

“Okay, good. I’m so, so sorry this happened to you.” He looked like he might cry.

Keith just shrugged. “S’fine.”

“You’re doing the thing you hate when I do,” Shiro pointed out.

He groaned. “Fine. It’s not fine. I feel fucking awful about it. Happy?”

“No,” Shiro said quietly. “I’m worried about you, and I’m furious that someone did this to you. But I do prefer when you’re honest with me, if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t mean to sound like you’re deliberately lying,” he added quickly. “Just… I don’t want you to hide anything for my sake. I want to be here for you whenever you need it.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

“Was the other guy Lance Cabrera?”

Shiro looked startled. “Uh— do you know him?”

“We’re in the same class— the one with _her_. He started crying in class the other day and I brought him to the nurse, and I asked because I was worried the same thing might’ve happened to him. And it did, but he seemed to think it was consensual, so I dunno.”

“When he talked to me, it very much did not sound consensual, though he definitely did seem to blame himself. And regardless, it’s a crime because he's underage, consent or not— and I'm no legal expert, but I think the teacher-student thing might make it even worse. For her, that is.”

“Whoa, is he gonna actually press charges?”

“Well, I’m a mandated reporter, so... I haven’t reported it to the police yet, but I will have to. I just want to let him know what’s happening first, and I wanted to check with you.”

Panic shot through him. “Do you have to report mine?”

“I don’t know. I think we could technically avoid that in your case, since you are legally an adult and you also aren’t telling me in a professional capacity… but it’s up to you.”

“It’d help his case, wouldn’t it.”

“It might make the case against her stronger, yes. In his situation, though, all we have to do is prove there was a sexual relationship. In yours, we’d have to prove that _and_ that you didn’t consent, which is harder. It'll also count as a significantly more serious crime if we can prove lack of consent in his case, of course, but given the way he's been talking about it, that could be difficult.”

“It’s stupid,” Keith muttered. “We’re probably like, a few months apart in age, and somehow that makes mine more okay?”

“It’s _not_ more okay. Just more difficult to prove in court.”

“Same difference.”

“No.”

“Whatever.” He stopped to think for a long moment. Finally, he met Shiro’s eyes and said, “Okay, I’ll do it. Can you report mine too?”

“Really?” Shiro looked surprised.

“Yeah, fuck it, why not? Not like I have any good reputation or high academic standing or clean record to even possibly lose— and she, on the other hand, has plenty to lose and I’d love to watch her lose it.” Keith grinned, though nervousness still swirled inside him. “What’s a little humiliation for a chance at revenge, right?”

“You shouldn’t have to feel humiliated, Keith. If this isn’t something you’re comfortable with, you don’t have to do it.”

“No, I’ll do it. I’ll hate it, but I’ll hate it more if I don’t bring her as much misery as possible. I’m fucking angry.” His voice shook with barely contained rage. “Fuck, I just want to hit something.”

“Wanna head to the gym with me? You can vent to me in the car if you want, or not, and then blow off some steam.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He couldn’t help smiling at that. Though they might seem like opposites at first glance, they actually had a fair bit in common, especially when it came to coping strategies— or often, lack thereof. “Can we go right now?”

“I— I want to call first, but then yes.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“It’s gonna be fine, Keith.” Shiro smiled at him, but the sadness in his eyes lingered. “You did nothing wrong, and I promise I’ll do everything I can to help you get through this. You don’t ever have to be alone.”

Somehow, even after their whole conversation, that was what came closest to getting the tears flowing. Wordlessly, Keith tackled Shiro in a hug. After a long moment, he whispered, “I know. And neither do you.”


	6. Chapter 6

On Monday after school, Lance dragged his feet on the way to Ms. Kay’s car.

“Hey, Lance!” _Shit._ Stopping just meters away from the car, he turned around to see Hunk and Pidge waving at him, jogging slightly to catch up.

“Hey, dude, wanna come over? You free?” Pidge asked while Hunk caught his breath for a moment.

“Uhh… I’d love to, really, but I have to get an essay done.”

Before either of them could respond, Ms. Kay approached the group, making him jump at the sound of her voice. “Hi, Lance. Ready to get to work?” she said innocently. Turning to the others, she added, “Sorry, but I have to steal him for the afternoon. We have a lot to get done.”

“She’s helping me with a project,” he said, knowing full well that they knew the truth but hoping he could somehow convince them otherwise.

“Uh, yeah, no.” Hunk stepped between her and Lance protectively. “Sorry, not happening.”

She raised an eyebrow, laughing a bit nervously. “We really do need to get going.”

He moved toward the car obediently, hand on the door before Pidge grabbed his arm. “Lance, do not go with her.”

She glanced between the three of them tensely. “What’s going on?”

“He’s coming with us,” Hunk said firmly.

“Guys, please, you don’t need to make a scene,” Lance said weakly.

“Get in the car,” Ms. Kay hissed, getting into the driver’s seat. He obeyed, pushing Pidge’s hand away as she tried to stop him. As Ms. Kay started the car, he rolled his window down halfway to reassure his friends, who looked utterly panicked. “Guys, I’m fine, please just chill. I’ll see you later.” He forced a smile.

They were looking past him, looking angrily at her. “If you drive away with him I’m calling the police,” Hunk said rather loudly, and Lance slid down farther in his seat, wanting to disappear. People were starting to stare.

“You’re in no position to make threats, kid. If you want what’s best for your friend, you won’t do anything of the sort. Remember, he’s with me, so maybe try to stay on my good side.” Rolling his window up, she quickly backed out of the spot and swerved out of the parking lot, picking up speed as they went.

“W-whoa, maybe slow down a little?”

“What did you tell them?”

“Nothing!”

“Do you think I’m that stupid?! You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut, could you?”

They were on the highway now. She sped up even more, going at least twenty-five over the speed limit.

“Please, you’re freaking me out. We’re gonna crash.”

“What did you tell them?”

“I told them about us, but I didn’t frame it like a bad thing, they just took it like one. I’m sorry, I didn’t know how they’d react—”

“Does anyone else know?”

“No.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“N-no.”

“If you’re lying to me, I will make you regret it.”

His vision blurred with tears. “I’m sorry…”

“Who did you tell?”

“No one.”

“Lance, who did you tell?!”

He just shook his head, throat tightening in fear.

Suddenly, one of her hands was around his neck, squeezing so hard he could barely breathe, though her eyes remained on the road. “Stop fucking lying to me.”

He gasped out some vague approximation of an apology as best he could, massaging his sore throat after she let go. “I’m sorry,” he rasped again. “I didn’t tell anyone else, I promise, I promise, please don’t—”

Grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, she yanked him forward hard enough to slam his face into the dashboard. “Stop it. I’ve been patient with you, but you’re not nearly as special as you think you are. You should be grateful, and instead you’re giving me all this bullshit.” She sighed. “I think Keith’s been a bad influence on you.”

Too shocked by the injury to be surprised yet by the mention of Keith, Lance brought a hand up to his face. It felt bruised. He tasted blood on his lip, and his nose throbbed painfully.

“Get out of the car.” He hadn’t noticed they’d stopped.

“Wait, you can’t just leave me here…” he trailed off, realizing that would actually be preferable. He could just call someone to come get him.

“I’m not, Lance.” How did she pull out that soft smile so easily after choking and hitting him? “Get in the back.”

He obeyed, not really sure what was going on until she climbed in after him, locking the doors. Despite his efforts to pull away, she had her hands on him again, already tugging his pants down as he struggled to escape. “No!”

She didn’t stop touching him.

“I’m saying no. I don’t want to do this, get off of me.”

“Shh. Look how much you’re liking it.”

“Stop. I don’t want this— I don’t want you.”

“No point in lying, baby,” she said calmly, still stroking him. “It’s just me and you.” He was hard now— _why?_ _Why do I keep responding to this if I don’t want it? But I don’t, I don’t…_

“Please stop touching me. Please. I don’t want to do this.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, honey. It’s gonna feel good.”

“No, please! Stop. Let me go!”

She didn’t listen.

“No,” he repeated weakly as she forced herself on him. “No. No.” It was a word that had held such weight in his mind, something he’d thought would’ve stopped things the first time if only he’d stood up for himself, something he’d thought he could say and have her finally listen— but it wasn’t working. She didn’t care; it was happening anyway.

In spite of himself, Lance held onto her tightly, head slumped against her chest as he cried. He needed to feel safe, needed to feel less alone— needed someone there, even if it was the same person he needed saving from.

When it was over, she got back into the driver’s seat, leaving him collapsed and shaking alone in the backseat.

They drove in silence for several minutes. As Lance lay there, the reality of what had just been done to him slowly sank in.

“You— you _raped_ me,” he said hoarsely. He hadn’t thought she was capable of such a blatant, unambiguous violation.

She laughed derisively. “Oh, grow up.”

More silence. He cried quietly, curled up on the seat, as she kept driving to wherever the hell she was going to take him.

Oh god, it was going to happen _again_ , undoubtedly. However many times she wanted.

_Look how much you’re liking it._

_Don’t bother trying to deny what you want._

It was all his fault. He’d let all of this happen. When he’d made excuses, he should have told her no. When he’d told her no, he should have fought back. It would never be enough, he was too weak and disgusting and she was going to keep using him however she wanted to no matter what he did—

His phone lit up.

Discreetly, he opened it to see a text from Keith just now, and several from Hunk and Pidge earlier. Too tired to bother reading through it all, he just shared his location with the three of them and then sent a single text: _she hurt me and I think she might've raped me. I told her no and she wouldn’t stop. I have no idea where she’s taking me and I’m really scared, I don’t know what to do._

Suddenly conscious of how little energy he had left for anything, he turned his phone off without waiting for a reply and somehow drifted off to sleep, dimly hoping that he would wake up somewhere safe.


	7. Chapter 7

Lance woke up in the passenger seat, snapping to panicked attention immediately— what was going on? Where were they going, why had she moved him— _oh._

Shiro was driving him. He wasn’t with Ms. Kay anymore.

Had it really happened?

“Hey, Lance. How are you feeling?” Shiro asked quietly, as though trying not to startle him. He couldn’t fully disguise the worry in his voice, though.

“What happened?”

“I had to report it to the police.” Lance tensed at that. “She’s been arrested.” Well, that was good at least. “First priority is to get you medical care.”

“Okay.”

“Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

Lance nodded.

At the hospital, he allowed them to take pictures of the bruising on his neck and face before treating the injuries. It wasn’t anything severe, and he had the vague sense he would feel weird about being in the emergency room for this if he didn’t feel so detached.

He agreed to a rape kit exam, too tired to even think about whether he wanted to press charges and deciding he might as well have evidence just in case. It was a long, stressful process, and by the time it was over, he just wanted to sleep for about a year. Shiro told him he'd been very brave to go through with it, but Lance didn't feel brave. He felt broken and empty and used and fucking _exhausted_.

“Lance?” Shiro asked gently as they headed out to the car. “Would you prefer to have someone with you when you tell your parents, or not?”

 _When._ Not if.

How had he fucked up so badly? No one was supposed to know about this. If only he had just kept his mouth shut for once.

“Lance, try to breathe. It’s going to be alright, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Several seconds passed as he struggled to calm his breathing enough to speak. “Okay. Can you come with me? And can I see my friends first?”

“Of course.”

Lance pulled out his phone to ask the others if they could meet, and was greeted with a barrage of first concerned, then annoyed, then angry, then progressively more worried messages and missed calls from his parents, sparking a new surge of panic.

Trying to stay calm, he quickly replied, _I’m so sorry, I wasn’t able to respond earlier but I’m okay now. I’ll be home soon and I’ll explain everything. Love you._ Then he asked Hunk, Keith, and Pidge if they could meet at one of their houses quickly.

“Okay, we’re meeting at Hunk’s house,” he said a moment later, and Shiro handed him his phone to put the address in.

When they arrived, Hunk and his mother answered the door together, both looking worried, and he wondered with a jolt how much she knew.

“Hi,” he said weakly. They ushered him inside, and he went upstairs with Hunk to see Pidge and Keith, Shiro staying in the living room with Mrs. Maiava.

“Hey,” Pidge said with an uncharacteristic gentleness as he entered Hunk’s room. “How’re you holding up?”

“Bad.” That was a hell of an understatement. “Really bad.”

“I’m gonna kill her,” Keith muttered.

“Please. No murder.”

“I know, I know. I’m just angry.”

“Do you want to talk about it, or do you just want us to like, be here?” Hunk asked.

“Just— just be here.”

“Okay, no problem.” He hesitated. “Are you comfortable with hugs right now?”

“Yeah. Please.” Lance leaned into Hunk’s embrace, Pidge tentatively joining them and Keith sitting close by on the bed.

It felt good to have safe, familiar arms around him, to be physically close to someone kind and caring who wasn’t going to push things further than he wanted.

“If you need to cry, it’s okay,” Hunk said softly. “We’re here. We’ve got you, buddy.”

At that, he gave in, letting himself sob into his best friend’s shoulder for a couple of minutes. Afterward, they all just sat together in silence for a brief while.

“I should go,” he said finally, pulling away. “My parents are wondering where I am, and I— I have to tell them. Since I went to the hospital and they arrested Ms. Kay and Shiro filed a police report and everything… there’s no way around it anymore.”

“Well, if there’s anything we can do, let us know.”

“Thank you.”

“We’re here for you,” Pidge said, and the others nodded. “No matter what.”

Heading back downstairs, he joined Shiro, and they said goodbye to Hunk’s mom and headed out to the car.

By the time they arrived at Lance’s house, he could barely breathe.

“It’s going to be okay, Lance.” He paused. “There’s no… abusive situation in your house, though, right? You won’t be unsafe?”

“No… I just don’t want to hurt them, and I don’t want them to be mad or ashamed of me because this is all my fault—”

“It’s _not_ your fault.” He sighed. “Okay, well, that’s good at least. Just had to check— I probably should’ve asked a lot earlier, in case you had been. But in the absence of anything like that… your parents probably just want the best for you, Lance. They may need time to process this, but they should be on your side.”

“They won’t understand.”

“Do you want to go try? If you get too panicked, we can pause, or I can try to explain some parts for you.”

“I don’t want to, but I don’t have a choice, do I.”

“I’m sorry, Lance.”

“It’s fine.” He took a deep breath. “Let’s just get it over with.”

His mother answered the door almost immediately; he could hear her rushing over as soon as he knocked. “Lance! What happened— who’s this?”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” Shiro said politely. “My name is Shiro, I’m a counseling assistant at Lance’s school.”

Her eyes widened, and Lance stared at the ground in shame.

Shiro put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “He’s not in any trouble, don’t worry. He’s done nothing wrong,” he said firmly. “But something has been going on that we think you need to know about.”

“… Okay,” she said cautiously, not sounding very reassured at all. “Come in, then.”

They entered the living room to find his father waiting tensely on the couch. He looked up, expression grave, and worry flickered across his features. “Lance, what happened to your face?”

His mother turned around to look at him, gasping at the sight of the bruises that were now visible in the light of the room. “Your face— and your _neck_ , mijo…” She brought a hand to his face, fingers brushing lightly over his bruised skin. He forced himself not to flinch— it was just Mamá. “Dios, did someone _choke_ you? Who did this?”

“I…” Suddenly it felt like the world was closing in around him, like he couldn’t get enough air.

“It’s okay,” she said gently. “Shh, it’s alright, mijo. Here, sit down. Breathe.”

“Lance, do you want me to tell them?” Shiro asked.

He nodded.

“Alright. Well, Lance came to speak to me recently, and revealed that— that he was sexually assaulted by a teacher at the high school.”

 _“What?”_ His parents both sounded horrified, and Lance buried his face in his hands helplessly, unable to face them.

“Apparently this has been going on for a few weeks, and seems to have escalated to further violence when he tried to resist.”

“Who did it?” His father was furious. “I’ll kill him.”

Shiro shot a nervous glance in Lance’s direction, and he shakily forced the words out. “It— it wasn’t a guy.”

His parents looked slightly confused. “What do you mean?” his father said.

“Uh, that she’s a woman?”

“Yes, but… how would that even work? What did she do?”

“She— she— well, first she was just helping me with work and time management and everything, and we were meeting outside of class kinda often so we were just alone together talking the first day when— anyway, then she just started asking me about girlfriends and stuff and telling me I was hot and then she grabbed me and kissed my neck. And then she— she just started taking her clothes off, and I told her we shouldn’t and she got all disappointed so I backtracked because I didn’t want to upset her, and she started… touching me. And I told her to stop but she wouldn’t and eventually I gave up and— and— it just happened.” At the disappointed looks on their faces, he added a shaky, “I’m so sorry.”

“Why didn’t you leave?”

“I— I don’t know. I was just stupid.”

“You were probably just panicked,” Shiro interjected quietly.

“Y-yeah. I really was.”

“But you had sex with this woman anyway?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why— I just— I trusted her, and this completely surprised me, and I didn’t want to and I felt awful after, but I just felt so— so helpless. I should’ve stopped her but it just happened so fast…”

“But this wasn’t the only time.” His father sighed. “Lance, if you made an honest mistake then own up to that, don’t try to hide it behind some sob story.”

“I know I made a mistake, but I didn’t want to see her again either. I was— _am_ scared of her.”

“He’s been having panic attacks in class,” Shiro added.

“Then why did you keep going back to her?” his mother asked quietly, appearing on the verge of tears.

“I thought…” He took a deep breath. “There’s another student she did this to, and he said she started failing him after he stopped her. I didn’t want to risk college, risk everything over this, so I stayed… and I went with her after school today, but my friends saw us leaving and tried to stop us because they know what’s going on—”

“Because you bragged about it?” his father said sharply.

Lance winced at that. It was technically true. “Well…”

“I don’t think he understood the seriousness of what was happening right away,” Shiro said, and Lance was again immeasurably grateful for his presence in this conversation. “But when we first spoke, he was clearly extremely distressed about it, and the way he described the situation and the effects it was having on him seemed very typical for a sexual assault victim.”

“So what happened today?” his mother asked. She looked so _tired_ , and he felt a sharp pang of guilt.

“After my friends tried to stop us, she drove away with me, and we— we sort of had a fight in the car.”

“A fight, huh,” his father said, sounding unconvinced. A pointed glance at Lance’s throat made him realize what was being implied, and he looked away in shame, hand instinctively coming up to cover the bruising.

“Yeah, a fight. She was mad that I told anyone, and she was speeding like crazy and I was afraid we were gonna crash, and she kept asking me who else I told and I wouldn’t say so she started choking me and then, like, yanked me forward to slam my face into the dashboard… and then I was just kind of stunned, and when she pulled over and told me to get in the backseat I didn’t realize what she was going to do, but then she got in too and locked the doors and—” He stifled a sob. “If nothing else, I know that time was r— was not okay. I said no and stop like twenty times and she just _wouldn’t_. I know I should’ve done more but I didn’t want to hurt her, and I had nowhere to go and she was on top of me and the doors were locked and I was panicking— I don’t know why I let it happen, but I couldn’t help it. I’m so sorry.”

Lance ventured a cautious glance up at his parents, both of whom now looked more concerned than disappointed, though he had the feeling they still didn’t entirely get it. Hell, neither had he for quite a while, so he supposed that was fair.

“So what’s going to happen?” his mother asked Shiro.

“Well, she’s been arrested on charges of statutory rape. I was obligated to file a police report after he told me, and I was especially worried for Lance’s safety after his friends told me he’d left with her and wasn’t responding to texts… and had then eventually shared his location and said she’d hurt him and he was afraid. He was unconscious and partially undressed when we found them, and I brought him to the hospital. He let them take photos of the injuries and collect forensic evidence while he was being treated, so if he does decide to take this to court, that will help.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Lance’s father said quickly.

Nudging him with an annoyed look, his mother said, “It’s his decision. Don’t discourage him.”

“No, you’re right, Papá. I don’t want to. I don’t trust them, there’s no way they’ll believe me and it’ll cost a ton of money and humiliation for a ‘not guilty’— if we even make it that far.”

“You do have DNA evidence, and you are underage,” Shiro pointed out. “Even if she claims it was consensual, what she did is still illegal and you have proof that it happened.”

“I know, I just…” He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stay calm.

“It’s okay, Lance. I’m not trying to pressure you. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with, I just want you to be aware of your options.”

“Thank you.” His voice was hoarse and shaky, barely even a whisper.

“Is this why you’ve been sick so much lately, mijo?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

She hugged him, tears gathering in her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Do you want me to order something for dinner, and we can talk about this more later?” his father asked. “I think Lance needs a break. Shiro, you can stay if you want.”

Lance gave his dad a grateful, teary smile.

That hadn’t been easy at all, and he was trembling violently from everything he’d just had to recount, but at least he could see that although they might not fully understand, they weren’t going to hate him. They weren’t ashamed of him. They were worried.

Things were not okay at all anymore, but at least he had hope left that someday they could be again.

He _had_ to hope.

* * *

Keith’s police interview did not end as he had hoped.

“You don’t want to bring this to trial. You’ll never be able to prove it in court— you have no evidence, and it’ll be your word against hers.”

It wasn’t merely a suggestion, it was a dismissal. She wasn’t being charged. That was it, as far as things would go on the legal side.

_Fuck._

“She can’t get away with this,” he said desperately. “I’m not the only victim.”

“Sorry, kid. Not much we can do about that.”

“But— but— she _will_ do this again.”

A shrug. “There are worse things.”

Keith had felt that same condescension for most of the interview, felt from the second he identified his assailant by the name _Jennifer_ Kay that any shred of concern they might’ve had was gone. Raised eyebrows, exchanged looks, barely concealed disinterest…

Were they right? Was he really making a big deal out of nothing?

No. He couldn’t let her get away with this.

But he had no choice. _Damn it._

No, he wouldn’t let this happen. He would find a way; there was always a way. He just needed to think.


	8. Chapter 8

It had started off so innocently, Keith hadn’t suspected a thing.

Sure, they were alone together and the door was closed, but that was so ordinary, who could’ve guessed what was going to happen?

They were just going over a test he’d screwed up on. That was all that was _supposed_ to happen, all he could’ve reasonably expected.

He’d pulled up a chair next to hers behind her desk, and they'd started going over his answers. Her hand had brushed his thigh a few times, but he’d assumed it was an accident until she grabbed his crotch.

_“Whoa, what the hell?!” He shoved her hand away, getting to his feet._

_“What?” The polite, confused concern on her face easily convinced him he’d been mistaken. Of course it did— he’d spent a lifetime being the freak who couldn’t read social cues, so of course it had to be his mistake like it always was, that just made the most sense. No matter how cruel anyone was to him, he always let it happen until it became unambiguously and obviously abuse— because he couldn’t trust himself with anything that they might have not meant like that, or might have done by accident, or might have any number of legitimate excuses for that meant he was the one in the wrong for being stupid and overreacting._

Keith tore at his own hair in frustration. _Idiot. Idiot. You let it happen just like everything else._ He’d deserved it, of course he had, hell, this was _better_ than what he deserved—

_Don’t you dare start crying. I’ll kill you if you cry._

Stifling tears in a panic, he tugged harder at his hair, then raked his fingernails along his arms, the pain grounding him.

_“Sorry, I just— nothing. Sorry.” He sat back down._

_After a few minutes, she did it again, rubbing gently, and Keith let it happen for a moment before finally being sure he could tell this was purposeful and wrong. Stunned, he pushed her hand away and stood up again, stepping backward nervously. “What the fuck are you doing?”_

_“Keith, relax.”_

_“No, I’m not going to fucking relax!” He turned toward the door. “You just— you—” He shook his head, furious. “If you think you’re getting away with that, think again.”_

_“Keith. Don’t you_ dare _tell anyone.”_

_“You can’t stop me,” he snapped, hand on the doorknob._

_“Do you want to fucking test that?”_

_He glanced up at her, and she had a_ knife _and was getting way too close, and instinct kicked in. Grabbing his own knife from his back pocket and flicking out the blade, he rushed at her and wrenched her arm aside, pressing his blade to her wrist. “Drop the knife or I’ll do it for you.” It was an empty threat, but she didn’t need to know that._

_She dropped it, looking shaken._

_A few seconds passed, the clock ticking loudly in the silence as adrenaline coursed through him._

_Keith felt a bit safer knowing he'd caught her off guard. Clearly, she hadn’t expected resistance._

_“I’m recording this,” she said with surprising calm. “Now, unless you plan to kill me right here and now and somehow leave no evidence, you’re going to do as I say or you’re going to be expelled and probably arrested.”_

_Or maybe she had._

_She smirked at him, knowing she had him where she wanted him now. “I wouldn’t risk it, Keith. Especially with_ your _disciplinary history… it just wouldn’t end well.”_

_Keith took a moment to process that._

_She was right. True, she could be lying about the recording… but one, he couldn’t take that chance, and two, people would believe her anyway if she just told them._

_He couldn’t let Shiro down._

_“Fine.” He kicked her knife out of the way. Once it had skittered halfway across the room, he closed his own and slid it back into his pocket. “What do I have to do?”_

_“Nothing bad, Keith. We’re just gonna have some fun.”_

He shuddered at the memory.

It was all his fault.

No, he’d had no choice. He’d been forced, threatened and manipulated and blackmailed, he’d been fucking _raped_.

But he could’ve stopped it, right? If he just hadn’t been so stupid— _but how could he have known?—_ or if he didn’t default to violence— _but she pulled a knife first—_ or if he’d just— just somehow _made it stop_ because he _didn’t want it—_

Keith finally let out a quiet sob, covering his mouth in shame and fear, trying to stop the tears. _Shut up. Shut the fuck up, you ungrateful brat._

How had he let her get away with this?

_“Strip.”_

_Numbly, Keith obeyed._

_“Underwear too.”_

_“Ms. Kay, please. Don’t do this. I’ll do anything else—”_

_“Take them off.”_

_He did, feeling uncomfortably exposed and trying to cover himself with his hands, cheeks burning with humiliation._

_She slipped off her own underwear and skirt, sitting on the desk and leaning back onto her elbows, legs spread._

_Keith looked away._

_“Come here.”_

_Shuffling over to her, he kept his eyes on the ground— except to meet her eyes for a split second, his expression of betrayal meeting one that didn’t even have the decency to appear conflicted._

_Was she going to try to make him fuck her? He doubted he’d be able to, this situation was about as far from arousing as it could possibly be._

_“Kneel down.”_

_Oh. “Ms. Kay… can I please do something else?”_

_“Like what?”_

_“Like not sex.”_

_“You’re in no position to be making demands here.”_

_“Yeah, but—”_

_“Shh. Do as I say.”_

_He couldn’t risk it. At least it was just oral— that was fine, could be so much worse, just don’t think about what you’re doing and get it over with and then forget about it…_

_Keith knelt down in front of her and did everything she asked— pretty badly, he knew, but he did genuinely try out of fear of what she’d do if he didn’t._

She’d “returned the favor” afterward— very much against his wishes, but he was in no position to resist.

He’d cried, and she’d snapped at him to stop, and he’d _frozen_.

The crying had stopped at her command. It had generally done that for the last several years— if it ever even started, which was rare to begin with.

He hadn’t been sure he was totally _there_ anymore, just floating, drifting aimlessly above while she did this to someone else. Most of the act was lost to the labyrinth of forgotten and remembered trauma that filled his memory, but he remembered the end, unfortunately. The most joyless, mechanical, unwanted orgasm of his life.

The way she’d looked at him. The way he’d felt.

He still felt dirty every time he thought about it. Like it was all his fault, like he’d been the one doing something wrong when she’d made him do all of that.

Keith had started skipping school consistently again. Feigning sickness, avoiding her at all costs until he was no longer able to get out of it and had to do it again.

Four times. It had happened four times.

And he would never be able to forget it.

* * *

Lance hated that his parents knew.

His siblings didn’t, at least. Well, hopefully; he prayed none of them had been listening in during that conversation. Even worse would be if Nadia or Silvio had— having his older siblings know would be bad enough, but his little niece and nephew really didn’t need to hear all that.

He still felt awful constantly.

When he learned that Ms. Kay had been released, he couldn’t even muster up a real reaction. What had they expected, anyway?

For all the hours he was spending in the shower, he still looked so much worse than usual. Working out was near-impossible given that he could hardly even bring himself to get out of bed in the mornings, and he was already visibly beginning to lose some muscle tone. His skin and hair were protesting their sudden lack of attention too, but he barely even noticed. No longer bothering to care what he wore, he grabbed the first clothes he found on his floor every day, often the same thing he’d worn the day before.

One day Lance caught sight of himself in the mirror and it hit him just how much he’d changed. How had he let things spiral this far?

People were noticing at school, too, on the rare occasions he was able to make himself go. They kept asking him what was wrong— some kindly, some less kindly— and he didn’t even have any half-assed excuses left to mumble in response, just shrugging and not making eye contact until they were weirded out enough to leave him alone.

It had taken him so long to learn how to fit in, and now he was throwing it all away.

After about a week of this, something even more terrible happened, as though no matter how bad things were already they couldn’t even give him the small mercy of being predictable about it.

Someone found out why Ms. Kay was suddenly absent.

Arrest records were public, and somehow someone had either thought to look or stumbled across it, resulting in an article in the local newspaper that had quickly been found by many of his classmates.

When he first realized what the discussion he was overhearing next to him in algebra was about, he pulled out his phone with shaking hands and found it for himself, scanning anxiously for his name or any identifying information.

The article didn’t name him, thank god, but it did mention that both of the alleged victims were male and that they were aged seventeen and eighteen.

It wouldn't be long before this blew up in his face. He should never have told his friends, or gone to Shiro, or sent that frightened text… should have just taken it and waited it out until he was in college. It would only have been a few months. And besides, he’d liked it. He’d wanted it. It was fine, he was _fine_.

Hunk gently tapped his arm. “Do you need to go to the nurse?” he whispered, and Lance nodded. Hunk led him out of the room without needing to ask permission, since his parents and Shiro had informed his teachers of the situation. Part of him hated that they knew, but he understood that his sudden constant absences and breakdowns needed an explanation.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Hunk said softly as they headed over. “She’s never gonna hurt you again. You’re gonna be okay.”

They got a couple of quizzical looks from a group passing by them in the hallway, and it dawned on him how completely obvious this was going to be. He was in her class, and he’d fallen apart, and a few weeks later she’d been arrested, and one of the victims was a seventeen-year-old guy.

Honestly, he didn’t think anyone would suspect Keith. They were friends now so he didn’t mean it in a bad way, but seriously, everyone already thought the guy was weird. Any odd behavior on his part would be expected, and besides, he hadn’t even broken down the way Lance had— at least, not outwardly.

Even if they did find out, Keith seemed more angry than anything about it, which was respectable. Lance was ashamed and frightened and _dirty_ and _broken_ , and that was going to ruin the last shreds of the reputation he’d worked so hard to build.

That was the other thing— Keith had nothing to lose if he did come forward. He could be completely open about this, could press charges, could even go public and do interviews and talk about his experience all the fuck he wanted, and Lance _couldn’t_. He was trapped. The few people who liked Keith already wouldn’t stop over something like this, but Lance was in a different situation.

And Keith was a gay guy, so it made sense for him to not want a woman groping him— plus, he’d actually resisted. In his own case, it was just statutory, and he’d technically consented… well, Shiro might not think so, but Shiro hadn’t been there. His was the kind of thing that was supposed to warrant high-fives and congratulations, not a mental breakdown and a police report and a trip to the hospital.

Lance could only imagine what people would say about him once they put two and two together. This was it— he was completely and utterly screwed.

It was only a matter of time.


End file.
